[ he's startles for a moment, mostly because he is only a tactile person when he is grappling someone, but beyond that he doesn't actually seem to mind. it's nice not to be the only weird one, to be asked directly instead of dancing around it and privately wondering if he's losing his mind, as he's been doing this entire time. ]
Mostly. Though...
[ he idly fixes his hair, just to do something with his hands. ]
It is like... perhaps I am sleeping still, in that pit. And this person that I am right now—he is just some delusion. [ ... ] If that makes sense. I must sound mad.
[ Can’t believe Dimitri is assigning Joonghyuk weird with him. ]
No, I understand. [ … ] I have some sense that I am here and I am me, but as I process affirmations it leads me to more questions. Then down a hole. That hole again, as if I never left. It leaves this existence without meaning, my actions without agency, and this self out of my control.
I’ve been resisting, but I was told it may be better if I leave it be.
[ he isn’t sure about that, however Joonghyuk only knows how to fight. ]
[ i am assigning him weird with dimitri because he just grabbed him by the skull to check if he exists?
dimitri nods, a little idly, because when they're talking about it's hard not to just go back to that place. his thoughts turn to the sensation of falling, but instead of landing in a hotel pool, it's a pit full of rot and dark water.
isn't it better to resist that? he pulls his mind back to the present. ]
...I should be glad, but it just means that we are both lost.
[ still, he clearly relaxes, both relieved and wearied. he didn't come here to fight. ]
If you and I are both here, then... maybe it will be easier to leave that place behind. [ ... ] I do not know that I can assign meaning to the you standing here. But I am grateful for his company, and that he survived.
[ Hey… Yeah. Closing his eyes, he’s wondering why a teen is trying to comfort him. ]
It’s not something you need to do. [ He takes a step back. No more intimidation. ] We’ll return as long as we want to remember who we are.
In case you need a reminder now, you are Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, supposedly royalty. You wrongfully bit me on the first day in this hotel. I still seek reparations. In recent developments, you impolitely address me by my given name despite your age. I intend to have you rectify this.
[ He’s being annoying about it, purposely. This is more of a question despite his tone: ]
[ stop, just because he's not ancient oldies like the two of you. he's surprised, because this is the first time in his life that someone is pulling rank on him. ]
To right such a long list of grievances? I must return posthaste, sir.
[ he doesn't sound offended. there's a tired bemusement in his voice, even. joonghyuk had tried to help him multiple times when they were in the hole, in his own, brusque way. he's not such a bad person, dimitri thinks, having missed seeing all of his cyoa crimes. ]
...I do not want to stay in such a place, as much as I may deserve it. If I am to atone for what I am, I am meant to do so here. [ ... ] I take it you will not allow yourself to wallow in that wretched pit forever either.
[ Just a boy. Who thinks he has to atone for being a boy—at least that's what Joonghyuk sees. It's distinct wording which caught his attention, but they are in such a hazy place. ]
Petals are not enough of a nuisance for me to give my story for free. [ Sometimes you are cagey. ] They're just annoying.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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though his eyes flutter a moment, tension easing with sudden uncertainty. ]
...I'm here. I think.
[ the headaches are easing, but the disconnect only seems to be getting stronger. after a pause, ]
But I feel as though... I am in a waking dream.
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Slowly, he places his hand on Dimitri's head. It's more like he gently grabs it, really... Retracts his hand. ]
Do you remember who you are?
[ Doesn't acknowledge that he just checked if Dimitri is real in the stupidest way. ]
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Mostly. Though...
[ he idly fixes his hair, just to do something with his hands. ]
It is like... perhaps I am sleeping still, in that pit. And this person that I am right now—he is just some delusion. [ ... ] If that makes sense. I must sound mad.
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No, I understand. [ … ] I have some sense that I am here and I am me, but as I process affirmations it leads me to more questions. Then down a hole. That hole again, as if I never left. It leaves this existence without meaning, my actions without agency, and this self out of my control.
I’ve been resisting, but I was told it may be better if I leave it be.
[ he isn’t sure about that, however Joonghyuk only knows how to fight. ]
… You’re not alone.
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dimitri nods, a little idly, because when they're talking about it's hard not to just go back to that place. his thoughts turn to the sensation of falling, but instead of landing in a hotel pool, it's a pit full of rot and dark water.
isn't it better to resist that? he pulls his mind back to the present. ]
...I should be glad, but it just means that we are both lost.
[ still, he clearly relaxes, both relieved and wearied. he didn't come here to fight. ]
If you and I are both here, then... maybe it will be easier to leave that place behind. [ ... ] I do not know that I can assign meaning to the you standing here. But I am grateful for his company, and that he survived.
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It’s not something you need to do. [ He takes a step back. No more intimidation. ] We’ll return as long as we want to remember who we are.
In case you need a reminder now, you are Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, supposedly royalty. You wrongfully bit me on the first day in this hotel. I still seek reparations. In recent developments, you impolitely address me by my given name despite your age. I intend to have you rectify this.
[ He’s being annoying about it, purposely. This is more of a question despite his tone: ]
… You do want to return.
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To right such a long list of grievances? I must return posthaste, sir.
[ he doesn't sound offended. there's a tired bemusement in his voice, even. joonghyuk had tried to help him multiple times when they were in the hole, in his own, brusque way. he's not such a bad person, dimitri thinks, having missed seeing all of his cyoa crimes. ]
...I do not want to stay in such a place, as much as I may deserve it. If I am to atone for what I am, I am meant to do so here. [ ... ] I take it you will not allow yourself to wallow in that wretched pit forever either.
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He lingers on the word “atonement” for a moment. It never meant much to him, but the hotel has had him thinking. ]
… That is what I would do.
[ He says that, unsure. Is that what he would do? A cough stifled, covered, yet blue petals peek anyway. ]
You seem so sure.
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dimitri shoots him a troubled look, even if he's not really in any position to offer advice or guidance. ]
It does not suit a king to sound uncertain.
[ he has to seem sure. ]
...I find the flowers are easier to avoid if you speak freely. [ if he wants to muse aloud or anything. ]
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[ Just a boy. Who thinks he has to atone for being a boy—at least that's what Joonghyuk sees. It's distinct wording which caught his attention, but they are in such a hazy place. ]
Petals are not enough of a nuisance for me to give my story for free. [ Sometimes you are cagey. ] They're just annoying.