[ and then sylvain does stop, though not entirely on purpose. the weight of the memory that hits him is strong enough to affect a physical recoil—a step taken back, a spike in his pulse as he chokes up with emotion that isn't his. he doesn't even realize he's crying until he blinks the tears away from his eyes.
the memory that he summons in turn is barely an approximation of what he's just experienced, but it is a time he had felt deep grief, despair:
Dimitri has been proclaimed dead. Whether the rumors are true, he is nowhere to be found—you have lost your king and one of your oldest friends.
And yet the war rages on regardless, and there is no time to mourn when your home is under siege. You're stationed at the frontlines to fend off invaders—raiders from beyond the Gautier-Sreng border, Adrestian imperialists, and Kingdom traitors alike—armed with a weapon that itches in your hands and a crest that burns through your blood.
And that's all you know for weeks, months, years. You are drenched in the smell of blood and sweat, grime and viscera and burning corpses.
You cannot afford to lose. Your men die for you, because they understand this—the value of your crest, which even you must rely on. If you fall, so does House Fraldarius, and so does the Kingdom.
You cannot afford to lose. You cannot afford to grieve.
So for years, you kill to protect your home and an empty throne, and the ache of it feels like a rot.
[ The last thing Joonghyuk wants is to see someone cry because of his memory, but he can't bark at Sylvain when he's forced to watch another. His own reaction is smoothed over by the somber tale of war.
He has never fought in an official war (Joonghyuk also escaped being enlisted in the army). Only a metaphorical one against his own world. against others, against gods. ]
[ it had been no small feat and no easy victory, but they had eventually won. but joonghyuk... how long has he been fighting? this can't have been the ending he wanted. ]
...Does Dokja already know all this?
[ he supposes it's likely. and he tries to piece together what dokja had told him the past week, with the way joonghyuk had reacted at trial on his behalf.
...it's a little too heartbreaking, though sylvain has to smile, just a little, in realization. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
W3 : MONDAY
Stay where you are—
[ But the stardust it sure falls and this memory plays. ]
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[ and then sylvain does stop, though not entirely on purpose. the weight of the memory that hits him is strong enough to affect a physical recoil—a step taken back, a spike in his pulse as he chokes up with emotion that isn't his. he doesn't even realize he's crying until he blinks the tears away from his eyes.
the memory that he summons in turn is barely an approximation of what he's just experienced, but it is a time he had felt deep grief, despair:
... ]
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He has never fought in an official war (Joonghyuk also escaped being enlisted in the army). Only a metaphorical one against his own world. against others, against gods. ]
Have you reached peace?
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[ it had been no small feat and no easy victory, but they had eventually won. but joonghyuk... how long has he been fighting? this can't have been the ending he wanted. ]
...Does Dokja already know all this?
[ he supposes it's likely. and he tries to piece together what dokja had told him the past week, with the way joonghyuk had reacted at trial on his behalf.
...it's a little too heartbreaking, though sylvain has to smile, just a little, in realization. ]
I suppose you did meet again.
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[ Political wars are stupid, Joonghyuk thinks. ]
... Yes. This memory was eight years in the past, a regression ago. [ He goes quiet. ] We did meet again.
[ But his tone sounds not quite sad, but... Bitter. Defeated. ]
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...How many 'regressions' have you had?
[ he couldn't get a clear number from the memory—and perhaps the regressor himself can't recall, either. (too many times to count.) ]
Are you not happy to see him again...? [ joonghyuk certainly doesn't sound it. ]
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[ SOMETIMES!!! Sometimes. It's fine. ]
... I'm not unhappy. [ ... ] I just wish it was in better circumstances. And that things were different.
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...I dunno what to say, other than that's way more than I was expecting. [ SIR! ]
Can't blame you. Doesn't make for much of a cozy reunion if it's gonna be alongside a killing game spree.
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Mistakes are easy to make. I'm sure you understand.
[ Considering war. ]
This is a lot less deaths per week than I'm used to, but we don't know what the future holds.
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[ he sighs and shakes his head ] This is actually what I'm used to. We had multiple bodies turn up each week, in the study I was in...
[ his expression turns crestfallen when he says this—he's thinking of AKEHA ]
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[ Sometimes you're depression. ]
... Your round—they called it a study?
[ He thinks that's fucked up, really. ]
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[ if you play fire emblem on casual mode, that counts as regressing, right... (also i definitely lost track of days oops) ]
Yeah. It was pretty different... but not so different that this isn't totally unfamiliar.
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[ Since it is called a "study?" ]
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[ he would like 2 speak with the manager ]
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[ what ]
You should have hassled them for more.
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...It was supposed to be a voucher that could grant any wish. Sebastian's got the same one.
[ he crouches down to offer niah some pets ]
If you could have any wish come true, what would it be...?
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[ His eyes narrow cause that seems powerful, but the question has him quiet. ]
... A normal life for myself and my companions.
[ It's a simple happiness. ]
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...It's a good one. Don't let go of it.
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[ Maybe Sylvain would have more obviously ambitious wishes. ]
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