[ Yeah, Jason!! All the time. No matter what canon you’re from. ]
No. Nothing about them. I had been living on my own since I was seventeen, scouted for an esports job out of nowhere. My sister was also left on my doorstep as a baby.
Never heard anything from them.
[ Jason is so easy. He doesn’t finish it because he knows Jason will want to chew on information, so he lets him form theories. ]
[ Which shouldn't be strange, right? But it's strange in itself. Everyone has an origin. Everyone leaves a trace. It's impossible to erase it, but... ]
[STOP. Let him believe that Joonghyuk isn't weird and fake!!! LET HIM BELIEVE JOONGHYUK'S PARENTS ARE OUT THERE! It's fine.
He glances away at the emphasis. Joonghyuk has now put him into an asshole place of being fed a bit of information so it's a dick move not to offer a little scrap back. Tch.]
...My mom was there, and she was trying to get me to join her. Where? I don't know. Death, I guess. I'm the one who found her when she overdosed; it was just me and her because Pops died in prison. Good thing you didn't see that memory. [Because it was there. :)] She hadn't overdosed, though. The clown that beat the shit out of me faked it.
[ He really tried to feed Jason the "I'm a fictional character" lore and Jason is looking away so swiftly. He won't push it because it seems that Jason would rather not know about it.
[Jason is LOOKING away so hard. Don't come in here pretending to be a stand-in father figure and then say you're a fake person after that. HELLO? Jason can never have a good role model in his life. It's set in stone.]
Yeah. [He's here, isn't he? He came back.] She asked me if I deserved that second chance. I didn't know how to answer her, so I didn't.
[STOP THIS. He just gives Joonghyuk a look that's, like, a petulant teenager who clearly disagrees with the parent.]
I can think I don't deserve to be here, but still keep going anyway. I can do both.
[You have depression! But you also are too stubborn to die. But then you have a disgusting self-sacrificial complex because you don't think being dead would be worse than other people being dead.]
[He frowns, lips thin, at being read so easily like this. HE DOES NOT CONFIRM NOR DENY IT, but it's clear there's truth to it. Tch. LIKE, he'll fight? He will fight.
But he will jump in the way of a bullet if the person is someone who doesn't deserve it.]
You can't tell me what to do with my life.
[He has no real fight in him. It sounds like he's saying this to see what Joonghyuk will say back.]
[ There's such a look that really spells that Joonghyuk wish he could tell him what to do and he would listen. He wished he could take control of every self-sacrificial idiot's rights to living and control how they die. It would be easier. ]
I am telling you to value yourself more.
[ Why does everyone he cares for end up being so fucking stupid? ]
[He makes a bit of a face. If he argues, he knows Joonghyuk will just argue back. And he isn’t sure if he actually values his life enough for it to not be a lie.]
[ Why does he have to spell it out? Why can’t people just read his mind? It would be easy to just say he cares about Jason outright, to use simple words. ]
… I decided you are one of my companions.
[ It is a word that is similar to friend, but not. It’s still meaningful and precious, especially for him. ]
And I don’t want to lose them.
[ In the end, it’s genuine care, but it’s also selfish. ]
Edited (It is past midnight ) 2022-07-20 07:15 (UTC)
[This is hilarious and also soft, but mostly hilarious. Jason is conflicted. It's too personal to laugh at, and it's also too personal to not be embarrassed and confused hearing it.
"Companions."]
You're not going to lose me, [is what he settles on instead. He can't promise this, but it's the sentiment that matters.] Besides, if I'm gone, maybe my soul will come back as snow and collect into a snowman who'll be here to annoy the shit out of you.
[ Companion like Jason is part of his wolf pack. It is super embarrassing.
He stays quiet for some time after Jason says his piece. Whether he was comfort or not is hard to tell. It's difficult to comfort someone who has lived so many lives, watching everyone around him forget, live, and die as he tries to piece together what he used to have... Or even watch it all distort into something he doesn't know.
Jason doesn't have control over death. He won't be able to choose when he leaves, or if he can even say goodbye. No one does. Joonghyuk knows, but there is the sentiment. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Were you able to save her?
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He waits until he isn’t eating, but still refuses to meet Joonghyuk’s eyes.]
She’s dead, I said. There’s no saving her anywhere. She isn’t supposed to be saved.
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[ Not in a lecturing or even demanding way, just calm… And hoping that it calms him down some, maybe ease him back out. ]
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[It’s only partially snapped, but then he sighs and seems to mostly be chill.]
That’s not wrong. She’s gone. You don’t bring people back when they’re gone.
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This is a funny thing to say to him, since he has seen his loved ones die and live over and over again. ]
I once hired a private investigator to find out more about my parents. Before the apocalypse happened.
[ Tangent story to get Jason’s mind off of things. ]
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Do you get survivor’s guilt when you are resurrected?]
You didn’t know your parents?
[Damn Joonghyuk to hell. He’s a Bat. Of course he will be curious and distracted.]
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No. Nothing about them. I had been living on my own since I was seventeen, scouted for an esports job out of nowhere. My sister was also left on my doorstep as a baby.
Never heard anything from them.
[ Jason is so easy. He doesn’t finish it because he knows Jason will want to chew on information, so he lets him form theories. ]
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Just, like, a handshake of familiarity.]
Did they find anything?
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[ Which shouldn't be strange, right? But it's strange in itself. Everyone has an origin. Everyone leaves a trace. It's impossible to erase it, but... ]
They never existed.
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That you could find.
[He doesn't know how to be reassuring when he doesn't know every detail of Joonghyuk's life. He's not sure how Joonghyuk can exist without parents.]
Don't feel bad, [he says this wryly,] my parents technically never existed either. At least, not in a way that mattered.
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... I can't feel bad about parents that never existed.
[ Emphasizes. ]
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He glances away at the emphasis. Joonghyuk has now put him into an asshole place of being fed a bit of information so it's a dick move not to offer a little scrap back. Tch.]
...My mom was there, and she was trying to get me to join her. Where? I don't know. Death, I guess. I'm the one who found her when she overdosed; it was just me and her because Pops died in prison. Good thing you didn't see that memory. [Because it was there. :)] She hadn't overdosed, though. The clown that beat the shit out of me faked it.
But she did die when the bomb went off.
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Which is fine. It's a tough topic to swallow. ]
You chose not to go with her, then. On that trip.
[ What is your answer, Jason? ]
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Yeah. [He's here, isn't he? He came back.] She asked me if I deserved that second chance. I didn't know how to answer her, so I didn't.
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You would be more useless to me dead.
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Saying I'm "useful" to you alive doesn't really inspire a lot of confidence in your motives, you know.
[He does not sound mad.]
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Yes, Joonghyuk is shady and he also doesn't use words well, purposely. He simmers some... ]
... Deserving or not, there's little to say when second chances are forced onto you.
[ ... ]
But we all deserve the opportunity to live and be happy.
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I can think I don't deserve to be here, but still keep going anyway. I can do both.
[You have depression! But you also are too stubborn to die. But then you have a disgusting self-sacrificial complex because you don't think being dead would be worse than other people being dead.]
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[ This is half a read, but this is also... Maybe some projection. ]
I can't allow that.
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But he will jump in the way of a bullet if the person is someone who doesn't deserve it.]
You can't tell me what to do with my life.
[He has no real fight in him. It sounds like he's saying this to see what Joonghyuk will say back.]
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I am telling you to value yourself more.
[ Why does everyone he cares for end up being so fucking stupid? ]
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Why?
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… I decided you are one of my companions.
[ It is a word that is similar to friend, but not. It’s still meaningful and precious, especially for him. ]
And I don’t want to lose them.
[ In the end, it’s genuine care, but it’s also selfish. ]
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"Companions."]
You're not going to lose me, [is what he settles on instead. He can't promise this, but it's the sentiment that matters.] Besides, if I'm gone, maybe my soul will come back as snow and collect into a snowman who'll be here to annoy the shit out of you.
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He stays quiet for some time after Jason says his piece. Whether he was comfort or not is hard to tell. It's difficult to comfort someone who has lived so many lives, watching everyone around him forget, live, and die as he tries to piece together what he used to have... Or even watch it all distort into something he doesn't know.
Jason doesn't have control over death. He won't be able to choose when he leaves, or if he can even say goodbye. No one does. Joonghyuk knows, but there is the sentiment. ]
You're asking to be melted.
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