how many times have you died (rika furude)

[malewife]

Comments

[syndromed]

Granted by knowing I could give up.

[ not necessarily an argument. sometimes it's easiest to keep going when you know you don't have to anymore. ]

[malewife]

[ No, he gets it. ]

Hanyu did this for you?

[ who this ]

[syndromed]

Mm.

[ rika nods and actually looks kind of down now... she misses hanyuu. hanyuu is nice. she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

She's the reason I can loop at all. She's the reason I made it out of the first loops.

[malewife]

[ she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

And you were able to be in contact with her throughout?

[syndromed]

[ i said what i said ]

... During the initial loops.

[malewife]

... You don't need to speak more if you don't want to.

[syndromed]

[ she does go quiet for a long moment.

then, eventually: ]

She left me.

[malewife]

[ me shedding tears at how many same hat moments we will have ]

... Are you going to find her?

[syndromed]

[ rika lets out a laugh that just sounds very fucking bitter. ]

As if I could do something like that.

[malewife]

You're sure you couldn't?

[syndromed]

Not when she's the one who carries me through shards to begin with.

[malewife]

[ He frowns. ]

Is that something you will accept for what you have?

[syndromed]

I don't have the power to fight against it.

... To begin with, she was never meant to be on the gameboard.

[malewife]

… Is what you’re going through supposed to be a game?

How are you even supposed to win?

[syndromed]

It's one way of thinking about it.

[ probably an unhealthy one. but. what can you do. ]

... By killing the one responsible for the loops, perhaps. Permanently.

[malewife]

[ tbh, relatable. it's fine. ]

Do you know who that is?

[syndromed]

[ a very slow nod ]

[malewife]

Then you can properly prepare when you meet them.

[syndromed]

We'll see.

[malewife]

[ A nod. He does sincerely believe that she will make it. ]

[syndromed]

[ it's a matter of deciding. ]

... Getting out of this mess comes first.

[malewife]

... This mess is a lot less messier than I'm used to, but it's still a detour I never chose to take.

Do you have any direction here?

[syndromed]

I agree. The rules here are more strict than I'm used to. The 'mess' is smaller. As long as we only need to play through a single iteration of these events, anyway.

[ but who knows! haha!!

rika shakes her head. ]

No. And I imagine I won't be advised of many secrets, as I am.

[malewife]

[ looks at your seasons crimes ]

That would only make it harder for you and the rest of us.

[ hmm. ]

You may need to give up your act if your memories continue to be shared.

[syndromed]

[ how dare you, i committed no crimes. ]

Mm. I suppose we'll see. What happens when this ends. Or what happens when I die.

[ you know. either or. ​]

... There are others who have seen enough to understand something of my circumstances. I can't say I find it a relief. [ haha! she hates it!! ]