how many times have you died (rika furude)

[malewife]

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w0 friday

[malewife]

[ Why is a child looking for him? Fortunately, he can be found somewhere out in the open on the streets.

Arms crossed, pensive. Thinking. Lost in thought. His wolf daemon is also in the same daze. ]

[syndromed]

[ literally just to make sure he's alright! she approaches and taps on his arm! bernkastel is a black cat, patiently standing at her feet. ]

... We did a roll-call today.

[malewife]

[ we really here with bernkastel cat. Niah snaps his head toward her, peering with his amber eyes. Joonghyuk keeps looking elsewhere, but does shift his gaze. ]

... I see. You all gathered together, then.

[syndromed]

[ bernkastel is... entirely unbothered. she just kind of lazily observes niah and then joonghyuk and then resumes staring at nothing in particular. ]

Not everyone. Some people were missing.

[ like you! ]

[malewife]

[ Their daemons can chill. ]

... Who else?

[ He knows that most likely Dokja and himself are unaccounted for, but might as well ask. ]

w1 monday

[syndromed]

[ it's laundry day! which means that rika is doing laundry, wow! she appears to be washing exactly one school uniform. and the replacement clothes that she is wearing are... just a big flannel shirt. it's big enough to be a dress on her, and was clearly pilfered from the last city they were in.

guess she only got one outfit. ]

Good morning. Do you need help doing laundry?

[ not everyone is good at these kinds of things! ]

[malewife]

[ Hello? He blinks slowly when she tries to offer him help. ]

I am fine.

[ He actually is fine, washing his spare clothes (royal threads worthy of a prince or something) while he wears his usual black coat.. And Black... Everything. ]

Did no one help you choose better fitting clothing?

[ HELLO? ]

[syndromed]

Since all the kids were still in the city, I didn't want to take their clothes from their houses.

[ whereas stealing clothes from... the missing adults... was fine? sure. ]

[malewife]

... You could have stolen from the stores.

[ RIkA. ]

W1, thursday

[syndromed]

[ once she's all clean, rika is sitting around. somewhere. who cares don't ask me for details. ]

Do you think someone will die tonight?

[ OKAY ]

[malewife]

[ THEY ARE JUST IN THIS UNDERWATER CITY!! Joonghyuk is hanging around the courtyard since he's planning to stay here later. He wants to See the outside when it happens before he's knocked out. ]

Most likely. [ Looks at her. ] Should you be walking around?

[syndromed]

We have time.

[ she assumes he's worried about the proximity to curfew, not potential injuries. ]

[malewife]

I meant your injuries, if you had any pressing.

[ He doesn't think they are, but it's still? Better? To rest?? ]

w2 tuesday (cw: suicide ideation)

[malewife]

[ Welcome to memory jumpscares! Joonghyuk's daemon unfortunately pads at strange glass filled with curiosity despite the dislike and we are engulfed in this new mindscape.

This is the 1863rd regression... Your 1864th life and you've accepted the proposal from your leader to become the villain of this story, the enemy of the world. You betrayed everyone that loved you to kindle the flames of hatred. You kill off your emotions so you can attack anyone and everyone in your path. You do this because she promised you that she will find you a grave.

She said if she could gather everyone under one banner, then she will be able to find a way to end your regressions. She's reliable. She's resourceful. Cunning... You trust her.

You play your role.

You stand at one of the tallest peaks of Seoul where the apocalypse dragon is sealed. All you need to do is use the sword in your hand to "unseal" it, though you know better. Your leader's plan is to use a different sword than what was prophesized. Instead of releasing the dragon, it would instead expand the seal to engulf the whole world.

... The scenarios would stop. Everything would stop. You would stop. Finally, this world can be untouched by the scenarios, lulled into a deep sleep.

You're stuck in your misery, following orders like the minion you are, but as you approach the seal, a clear thought comes to mind. It's a name in the haze. One of the people who fights in the backdrop against your leader and your former companions. That's right, there's a battle here. It's hard for you to tell when your senses are so muddled. All you know how to do is destroy and kill. You have no target here, only a mission.

While your leader and former companions only have animosity for you, this man doesn't. He looks at you like you're a person, like you're human.

「 Kim Dokja. 」

You turn to look at Kim Dokja, this anamoly of a man that showed up out of nowhere and showed you a world you've never seen... You grip your Heaven Shaking Sword as you recollect what you saw that night when you threatened this entity that lived inside the other man. The Fourth Wall told you of a beautiful story when you interrogated it. It was a world where no one you loved needed to be sacrificed... A world where you didn't need to be a villain. For this moment, you forget about the scenario and the apocalypse dragon that dares to wake.

You break out of your sea of despair and your senses sharpen. The world doesn't seem so much like a blur and you can see the other man's face properly. The monotone colors are washed away as color starts to fill everything in. You don't say anything. Instead, you only piece together words in your mind—for some reason, you're sure Kim Dokja can hear you.

「 The world that you showed, does it really exist? 」

Kim Dokja doesn't answer you, but his mouth is agape as he tries to find the words. Your leader shouts why are you hesitating. Use the sword to expand the seal. Didn't you ask her to put an end to this all? Didn't you want to die?

You turn to her.

“I want to die.”

They're such familiar words... They haunt your mind almost every single day for the past tens of thousands of years. But this time, there's something else. Something familiar, though it shines so much brighter than you've ever experienced.

「 I want to live. 」

“I want to finish it here.”

「 If there is a chance, like the world I saw… 」

A part of you can't help but hope... And that part of you is the one who wins. You no longer want to be a character in a story. You want to write your own ending. A happy one. Just like the world Kim Dokja came from—the 3rd regression round where Kim Dokja exists.

... He frowns, but he doesn't feel as bad as other shares since he and Rika are familiar. ]

[syndromed]

[ unlike with other people, rika doesn't tense at the shared memory. even receiving them has been strange and unpleasant to her. this one is unpleasant too - and confusing. much of the situation is beyond her understanding.

but she understands repeating for so long, so hopelessly, that you're ready to die. that you want to.

she's a little bit jealous of having someone who could rekindle hope. it had been a nice feeling. she's been through that cycle already, of losing hope and losing hope and then finally seeing a spark of it in your friends. seeing small miracles that remind you what you're fighting for. that it's worth struggling against fate.

and then that was ripped away, too.

rika pulls a palm-sized shard of something from her pocket, apparently just to idly turn it over in her own hands. ]

... Then what?

[malewife]

[ Sometimes your world is convoluted and mimics religious themes for the apocalypse, but at least she gets the point. It’s an endless cycle of tragedy… It’s a tomb where no hope can be found.

His arms are crossed, so he drums his fingers against his forearm. Niah comes over to Rika to peek at her glass. ]

… I regressed to search for a world like that.

[ He thinks that’s obvious enough. ]

Kim Dokja ended up being there, but I didn’t remember him. I lost my memory in the process of regressing, so for some time I believed it was the 3rd regression round.

[ Time is a strange thing. ]

[syndromed]

Losing your memories...

Isn't that like having to start over from the beginning?

[ not in terms of just regressing, obviously. when you go back, you carry information back with you. you cast the dice again, you do things differently. but if you go back practically empty-handed, how can you achieve what you want? something you hadn't managed in 1863 loops with your memories? ]

w3 tuesday

[syndromed]

[ if joonghyuk passes by the fountains

he is getting splashed ]

[malewife]

[ he's...

DUMBSTRUCK?????? ]

[syndromed]

I'm helping to keep you cool in this hot, hot weather!

You're welcome!

[malewife]

[ Splashes her back?? ]

w4 tuesday

[syndromed]

[ sometime before the masquerade, rika is browsing masks? and also probably munching on something from a food stall. she is multi-tasking! ]

The mask seems pretty pointless since I'm the smallest one here, but it's fun to dress up.

[malewife]

You should have asked the Watchers for a shapeshifting item, if only to use for today and only today.

[ To be honest, he already got his mask, so he’s just chaperoning. ]

Not that I think masks really obscure anyone’s identity.

[ But he’s wrong because I asked for a dead pc and apparently the success rate is low?? ]

[syndromed]

Mm. It would be nice to be a little bit bigger again.

[ ah well. ]

... You're right. I bet we'll all recognize each other right away.

[malewife]

Some people are probably going to couple up, which would make it easier.

[ Which mask will Rika pick? Joonghyuk is just tagging along, but now he's also checking which one fits Rika best cause he has nothing else to do. ]

You can go with some friends as a group.