[ Welcome to memory jumpscares! Joonghyuk's daemon unfortunately pads at strange glass filled with curiosity despite the dislike and we are engulfed in this new mindscape.
This is the 1863rd regression... Your 1864th life and you've accepted the proposal from your leader to become the villain of this story, the enemy of the world. You betrayed everyone that loved you to kindle the flames of hatred. You kill off your emotions so you can attack anyone and everyone in your path. You do this because she promised you that she will find you a grave.
She said if she could gather everyone under one banner, then she will be able to find a way to end your regressions. She's reliable. She's resourceful. Cunning... You trust her.
You play your role.
You stand at one of the tallest peaks of Seoul where the apocalypse dragon is sealed. All you need to do is use the sword in your hand to "unseal" it, though you know better. Your leader's plan is to use a different sword than what was prophesized. Instead of releasing the dragon, it would instead expand the seal to engulf the whole world.
... The scenarios would stop. Everything would stop. You would stop. Finally, this world can be untouched by the scenarios, lulled into a deep sleep.
You're stuck in your misery, following orders like the minion you are, but as you approach the seal, a clear thought comes to mind. It's a name in the haze. One of the people who fights in the backdrop against your leader and your former companions. That's right, there's a battle here. It's hard for you to tell when your senses are so muddled. All you know how to do is destroy and kill. You have no target here, only a mission.
While your leader and former companions only have animosity for you, this man doesn't. He looks at you like you're a person, like you're human.
「 Kim Dokja. 」
You turn to look at Kim Dokja, this anamoly of a man that showed up out of nowhere and showed you a world you've never seen... You grip your Heaven Shaking Sword as you recollect what you saw that night when you threatened this entity that lived inside the other man. The Fourth Wall told you of a beautiful story when you interrogated it. It was a world where no one you loved needed to be sacrificed... A world where you didn't need to be a villain. For this moment, you forget about the scenario and the apocalypse dragon that dares to wake.
You break out of your sea of despair and your senses sharpen. The world doesn't seem so much like a blur and you can see the other man's face properly. The monotone colors are washed away as color starts to fill everything in. You don't say anything. Instead, you only piece together words in your mind—for some reason, you're sure Kim Dokja can hear you.
「 The world that you showed, does it really exist? 」
Kim Dokja doesn't answer you, but his mouth is agape as he tries to find the words. Your leader shouts why are you hesitating. Use the sword to expand the seal. Didn't you ask her to put an end to this all? Didn't you want to die?
You turn to her.
“I want to die.”
They're such familiar words... They haunt your mind almost every single day for the past tens of thousands of years. But this time, there's something else. Something familiar, though it shines so much brighter than you've ever experienced.
「 I want to live. 」
“I want to finish it here.”
「 If there is a chance, like the world I saw… 」
A part of you can't help but hope... And that part of you is the one who wins. You no longer want to be a character in a story. You want to write your own ending. A happy one. Just like the world Kim Dokja came from—the 3rd regression round where Kim Dokja exists.
... He frowns, but he doesn't feel as bad as other shares since he and Rika are familiar. ]
[ unlike with other people, rika doesn't tense at the shared memory. even receiving them has been strange and unpleasant to her. this one is unpleasant too - and confusing. much of the situation is beyond her understanding.
but she understands repeating for so long, so hopelessly, that you're ready to die. that you want to.
she's a little bit jealous of having someone who could rekindle hope. it had been a nice feeling. she's been through that cycle already, of losing hope and losing hope and then finally seeing a spark of it in your friends. seeing small miracles that remind you what you're fighting for. that it's worth struggling against fate.
and then that was ripped away, too.
rika pulls a palm-sized shard of something from her pocket, apparently just to idly turn it over in her own hands. ]
[ Sometimes your world is convoluted and mimics religious themes for the apocalypse, but at least she gets the point. It’s an endless cycle of tragedy… It’s a tomb where no hope can be found.
His arms are crossed, so he drums his fingers against his forearm. Niah comes over to Rika to peek at her glass. ]
… I regressed to search for a world like that.
[ He thinks that’s obvious enough. ]
Kim Dokja ended up being there, but I didn’t remember him. I lost my memory in the process of regressing, so for some time I believed it was the 3rd regression round.
Isn't that like having to start over from the beginning?
[ not in terms of just regressing, obviously. when you go back, you carry information back with you. you cast the dice again, you do things differently. but if you go back practically empty-handed, how can you achieve what you want? something you hadn't managed in 1863 loops with your memories? ]
[ So, yes, for her. Joonghyuk would still think that she's the same whichever it is, but it is... Complicated how one sees things. He wouldn't say that two Rikas would be the same, either.
But for the most part he believes you are still you. ]
When I die, my consciousness travels to another world. Some of those worlds are very different. The pieces are in different places - which changes the way that "I" was before I took over.
But what makes me me is that I have all my memories from all of the worlds I've been to.
[ That moment when you're the type of character that doesn't get along with people similar to yourself. Not because you're filled with self-loathing, but because you are aware of what you are capable of, by proxy what they're capable of. They are a threat. ]
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w2 tuesday (cw: suicide ideation)
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but she understands repeating for so long, so hopelessly, that you're ready to die. that you want to.
she's a little bit jealous of having someone who could rekindle hope. it had been a nice feeling. she's been through that cycle already, of losing hope and losing hope and then finally seeing a spark of it in your friends. seeing small miracles that remind you what you're fighting for. that it's worth struggling against fate.
and then that was ripped away, too.
rika pulls a palm-sized shard of something from her pocket, apparently just to idly turn it over in her own hands. ]
... Then what?
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His arms are crossed, so he drums his fingers against his forearm. Niah comes over to Rika to peek at her glass. ]
… I regressed to search for a world like that.
[ He thinks that’s obvious enough. ]
Kim Dokja ended up being there, but I didn’t remember him. I lost my memory in the process of regressing, so for some time I believed it was the 3rd regression round.
[ Time is a strange thing. ]
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Isn't that like having to start over from the beginning?
[ not in terms of just regressing, obviously. when you go back, you carry information back with you. you cast the dice again, you do things differently. but if you go back practically empty-handed, how can you achieve what you want? something you hadn't managed in 1863 loops with your memories? ]
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[ Joonghyuk heaves a sigh. ]
How I regressed to the next round was a bit different than what I did before, so I was basically amnesiac.
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[ Which basically tells it all. If Joonghyuk learned of a world without sacrifices from Dokja himself, then maybe he is the key.
Or at least that’s what he thinks. ]
He’s still a fool.
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... Having amnesia sounds like something of a relief.
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I suppose. It cut off over seven thousand years... But I had to go through an annoying phase of people telling me I don't know who I really am.
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But weren't they right?
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I'm still Yoo Joonghyuk.
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[ Hm. Since they're in similar situations. ]
Have you ever met alternate versions of yourself?
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[ for her, anyway. difference of opinion.
she shakes her head. ]
No. But I've seen worlds where I was different. Before I came to them.
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[ So, yes, for her. Joonghyuk would still think that she's the same whichever it is, but it is... Complicated how one sees things. He wouldn't say that two Rikas would be the same, either.
But for the most part he believes you are still you. ]
Different. You mean similar to being amnesiac?
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When I die, my consciousness travels to another world. Some of those worlds are very different. The pieces are in different places - which changes the way that "I" was before I took over.
But what makes me me is that I have all my memories from all of the worlds I've been to.
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[ The same exact premise until he arrives, then tragedy follows. ]
I've met another version of myself before.
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[ That moment when you're the type of character that doesn't get along with people similar to yourself. Not because you're filled with self-loathing, but because you are aware of what you are capable of, by proxy what they're capable of. They are a threat. ]
Petty and envious.
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That makes sense.
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[ mentally points at her. ]
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[ she just sounds amused though? ]
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[ The conversation is at least comfortable until I get my memshare. sits here. ]
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