how many times have you died (rika furude)

[malewife]

Comments

[malewife]

He is insufferable.

[ That moment when you're the type of character that doesn't get along with people similar to yourself. Not because you're filled with self-loathing, but because you are aware of what you are capable of, by proxy what they're capable of. They are a threat. ]

Petty and envious.

[syndromed]

[ listen. rika gets it? she's pretty sure she would hate herself if she met herself. ]

That makes sense.

[malewife]

[ He looks at her?? What are you trying to say? ]

[syndromed]

[ she just smiles back. don't worry about it!!! ]

[malewife]

You probably wouldn't be able to stand yourself, either.

[ mentally points at her. ]

[syndromed]

How rude.

[ she just sounds amused though? ]

[malewife]

But right.

[ The conversation is at least comfortable until I get my memshare. sits here. ]

[syndromed]

Perhaps.

[ they're vibing.

rika seems pleased, but bernkastel, as a cat flicks her tail in irritation. guess she's less forgiving.

rika is still holding a shard in her hand. ]

[malewife]

[ Wow. Calm yourself, Bern. Joonghyuk goes quiet when he watches the memory. Of course he frowns, but he doesn't take the shard away from her? ]

It seems like you had hope then.

[syndromed]

Granted by knowing I could give up.

[ not necessarily an argument. sometimes it's easiest to keep going when you know you don't have to anymore. ]

[malewife]

[ No, he gets it. ]

Hanyu did this for you?

[ who this ]

[syndromed]

Mm.

[ rika nods and actually looks kind of down now... she misses hanyuu. hanyuu is nice. she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

She's the reason I can loop at all. She's the reason I made it out of the first loops.

[malewife]

[ she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

And you were able to be in contact with her throughout?

[syndromed]

[ i said what i said ]

... During the initial loops.

[malewife]

... You don't need to speak more if you don't want to.

[syndromed]

[ she does go quiet for a long moment.

then, eventually: ]

She left me.

[malewife]

[ me shedding tears at how many same hat moments we will have ]

... Are you going to find her?

[syndromed]

[ rika lets out a laugh that just sounds very fucking bitter. ]

As if I could do something like that.

[malewife]

You're sure you couldn't?

[syndromed]

Not when she's the one who carries me through shards to begin with.

[malewife]

[ He frowns. ]

Is that something you will accept for what you have?

[syndromed]

I don't have the power to fight against it.

... To begin with, she was never meant to be on the gameboard.

[malewife]

… Is what you’re going through supposed to be a game?

How are you even supposed to win?

[syndromed]

It's one way of thinking about it.

[ probably an unhealthy one. but. what can you do. ]

... By killing the one responsible for the loops, perhaps. Permanently.

[malewife]

[ tbh, relatable. it's fine. ]

Do you know who that is?