how many times have you died (rika furude)

[malewife]

Comments

[syndromed]

Memories are a very big part of identity.

[malewife]

Yes, but I am still myself, despite everything I've done or haven't done.

[ Hm. Since they're in similar situations. ]

Have you ever met alternate versions of yourself?

[syndromed]

I think I've changed too much for that to be true.

[ for her, anyway. difference of opinion.

she shakes her head. ]

No. But I've seen worlds where I was different. Before I came to them.

[malewife]

That is your perception.

[ So, yes, for her. Joonghyuk would still think that she's the same whichever it is, but it is... Complicated how one sees things. He wouldn't say that two Rikas would be the same, either.

But for the most part he believes you are still you. ]

Different. You mean similar to being amnesiac?

[syndromed]

Maybe something like that.

When I die, my consciousness travels to another world. Some of those worlds are very different. The pieces are in different places - which changes the way that "I" was before I took over.

But what makes me me is that I have all my memories from all of the worlds I've been to.

[malewife]

This is where we differ then. Each world I regress to are the same at their base... Maybe they would have branched on their own if I didn't.

[ The same exact premise until he arrives, then tragedy follows. ]

I've met another version of myself before.

[syndromed]

What was it like?

[malewife]

He is insufferable.

[ That moment when you're the type of character that doesn't get along with people similar to yourself. Not because you're filled with self-loathing, but because you are aware of what you are capable of, by proxy what they're capable of. They are a threat. ]

Petty and envious.

[syndromed]

[ listen. rika gets it? she's pretty sure she would hate herself if she met herself. ]

That makes sense.

[malewife]

[ He looks at her?? What are you trying to say? ]

[syndromed]

[ she just smiles back. don't worry about it!!! ]

[malewife]

You probably wouldn't be able to stand yourself, either.

[ mentally points at her. ]

[syndromed]

How rude.

[ she just sounds amused though? ]

[malewife]

But right.

[ The conversation is at least comfortable until I get my memshare. sits here. ]

[syndromed]

Perhaps.

[ they're vibing.

rika seems pleased, but bernkastel, as a cat flicks her tail in irritation. guess she's less forgiving.

rika is still holding a shard in her hand. ]

[malewife]

[ Wow. Calm yourself, Bern. Joonghyuk goes quiet when he watches the memory. Of course he frowns, but he doesn't take the shard away from her? ]

It seems like you had hope then.

[syndromed]

Granted by knowing I could give up.

[ not necessarily an argument. sometimes it's easiest to keep going when you know you don't have to anymore. ]

[malewife]

[ No, he gets it. ]

Hanyu did this for you?

[ who this ]

[syndromed]

Mm.

[ rika nods and actually looks kind of down now... she misses hanyuu. hanyuu is nice. she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

She's the reason I can loop at all. She's the reason I made it out of the first loops.

[malewife]

[ she doesn't ever stab her or anything. ]

And you were able to be in contact with her throughout?

[syndromed]

[ i said what i said ]

... During the initial loops.

[malewife]

... You don't need to speak more if you don't want to.

[syndromed]

[ she does go quiet for a long moment.

then, eventually: ]

She left me.

[malewife]

[ me shedding tears at how many same hat moments we will have ]

... Are you going to find her?

[syndromed]

[ rika lets out a laugh that just sounds very fucking bitter. ]

As if I could do something like that.