[ Niah gives her a greeting blink, animals just do that, and follows her back here. It takes him a moment before he looks up and register that she's here. ]
... You didn't need to come check on me. [ His tone isn't harsh, just tired. ] Fine.
[ But then he coughs a bunch of petals, lilac in color. A lot of petals. ]
[ Understanding. He doesn't say what's on his mind and instead more petals, but this he covers up. ]
... The place we went to—it messed with our minds towards the end. [ This is hard to talk about, really. So there's a long silence. ] I'm doubting who I am. It's difficult to tell if I'm here, or if I'm real.
I have some familiarity with this sensation. [...] You are here, and you are real, Yoo Joonghyuk. If there is anything else you are unsure of, I can provide clarity.
I find it easier if you do not fight against it; you cannot control it simply by willing it to be so.
[ And she is right. He listens intently, carefully, still unsure, but he considers it. ]
... I worry I will not be who I am at the end. [ But who is he to begin with? The hold on his sword tightens before it relaxes. ] Your mind—it was broken once?
[ Since she didn't mention parents, friends, or anything. That seems like hell. ]
... I've had a difficult spell before, but not quite the same. I was sinking into a dark sea. [ Depression. ] And I wished it took me. It would have been easier.
But we are here. [ ... ] Does this fulfill what you came here to accomplish?
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... You didn't need to come check on me. [ His tone isn't harsh, just tired. ] Fine.
[ But then he coughs a bunch of petals, lilac in color. A lot of petals. ]
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[...]
I have found that that color often represents dishonesty.
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[ Understanding. He doesn't say what's on his mind and instead more petals, but this he covers up. ]
... The place we went to—it messed with our minds towards the end. [ This is hard to talk about, really. So there's a long silence. ] I'm doubting who I am. It's difficult to tell if I'm here, or if I'm real.
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I have some familiarity with this sensation. [...] You are here, and you are real, Yoo Joonghyuk. If there is anything else you are unsure of, I can provide clarity.
I find it easier if you do not fight against it; you cannot control it simply by willing it to be so.
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It being an aftereffect is frustrating... I find myself wanting to forget.
You simply let it be. [ ... ] How? I only know how to fight and resist.
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[his personality is just like that, she thinks.]
Experience was the teacher. Resisting it does not help, but time and it will pass. Your mind is not an enemy, even when it is broken.
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... I worry I will not be who I am at the end. [ But who is he to begin with? The hold on his sword tightens before it relaxes. ] Your mind—it was broken once?
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[...] Not recently, but...I've become accustomed to reasoning through the spells.
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[ Since she didn't mention parents, friends, or anything. That seems like hell. ]
... I've had a difficult spell before, but not quite the same. I was sinking into a dark sea. [ Depression. ] And I wished it took me. It would have been easier.
But we are here. [ ... ] Does this fulfill what you came here to accomplish?
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[she sighs, because she doesn't necessarily want sympathy, but also she doesn't feel any anger or defensiveness about it right now.]
We are here. And it does. I hope it passes for you soon.
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It will.
[ except it gets worse, but he will remember her words, anyway. ]