[NOT THE BUNNY. GET OUT OF HERE. Also, yeah, Joonghyuk is the mood. It doesn't seem to bother Jason, but maybe it's because he went through it without any other option. It's fine.]
[He waits on Joonghyuk, quickly looking away when he's sniffed out. He kind of pushes whatever remaining juice or sauce is left of his food for a second.]
Yeah. [He doesn't look up.] It wasn't real. My mom is dead.
[ Yeah, Jason!! All the time. No matter what canon you’re from. ]
No. Nothing about them. I had been living on my own since I was seventeen, scouted for an esports job out of nowhere. My sister was also left on my doorstep as a baby.
Never heard anything from them.
[ Jason is so easy. He doesn’t finish it because he knows Jason will want to chew on information, so he lets him form theories. ]
[ Which shouldn't be strange, right? But it's strange in itself. Everyone has an origin. Everyone leaves a trace. It's impossible to erase it, but... ]
[STOP. Let him believe that Joonghyuk isn't weird and fake!!! LET HIM BELIEVE JOONGHYUK'S PARENTS ARE OUT THERE! It's fine.
He glances away at the emphasis. Joonghyuk has now put him into an asshole place of being fed a bit of information so it's a dick move not to offer a little scrap back. Tch.]
...My mom was there, and she was trying to get me to join her. Where? I don't know. Death, I guess. I'm the one who found her when she overdosed; it was just me and her because Pops died in prison. Good thing you didn't see that memory. [Because it was there. :)] She hadn't overdosed, though. The clown that beat the shit out of me faked it.
[ He really tried to feed Jason the "I'm a fictional character" lore and Jason is looking away so swiftly. He won't push it because it seems that Jason would rather not know about it.
[Jason is LOOKING away so hard. Don't come in here pretending to be a stand-in father figure and then say you're a fake person after that. HELLO? Jason can never have a good role model in his life. It's set in stone.]
Yeah. [He's here, isn't he? He came back.] She asked me if I deserved that second chance. I didn't know how to answer her, so I didn't.
[STOP THIS. He just gives Joonghyuk a look that's, like, a petulant teenager who clearly disagrees with the parent.]
I can think I don't deserve to be here, but still keep going anyway. I can do both.
[You have depression! But you also are too stubborn to die. But then you have a disgusting self-sacrificial complex because you don't think being dead would be worse than other people being dead.]
[He frowns, lips thin, at being read so easily like this. HE DOES NOT CONFIRM NOR DENY IT, but it's clear there's truth to it. Tch. LIKE, he'll fight? He will fight.
But he will jump in the way of a bullet if the person is someone who doesn't deserve it.]
You can't tell me what to do with my life.
[He has no real fight in him. It sounds like he's saying this to see what Joonghyuk will say back.]
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Yeah. It was.
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He takes a moment to go get the soup dumplings out before they can continue. ]
... Your mother was there.
[ But Jason didn't mention what happens to her? ]
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Yeah. [He doesn't look up.] It wasn't real. My mom is dead.
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[ Puts the dumplings on Jason’s plate. ]
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[He is currently starving to death for some STUPID reason, so he eats these dumplings so quickly. They are so fucking good.]
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Were you able to save her?
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He waits until he isn’t eating, but still refuses to meet Joonghyuk’s eyes.]
She’s dead, I said. There’s no saving her anywhere. She isn’t supposed to be saved.
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[ Not in a lecturing or even demanding way, just calm… And hoping that it calms him down some, maybe ease him back out. ]
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[It’s only partially snapped, but then he sighs and seems to mostly be chill.]
That’s not wrong. She’s gone. You don’t bring people back when they’re gone.
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This is a funny thing to say to him, since he has seen his loved ones die and live over and over again. ]
I once hired a private investigator to find out more about my parents. Before the apocalypse happened.
[ Tangent story to get Jason’s mind off of things. ]
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Do you get survivor’s guilt when you are resurrected?]
You didn’t know your parents?
[Damn Joonghyuk to hell. He’s a Bat. Of course he will be curious and distracted.]
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No. Nothing about them. I had been living on my own since I was seventeen, scouted for an esports job out of nowhere. My sister was also left on my doorstep as a baby.
Never heard anything from them.
[ Jason is so easy. He doesn’t finish it because he knows Jason will want to chew on information, so he lets him form theories. ]
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Just, like, a handshake of familiarity.]
Did they find anything?
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[ Which shouldn't be strange, right? But it's strange in itself. Everyone has an origin. Everyone leaves a trace. It's impossible to erase it, but... ]
They never existed.
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That you could find.
[He doesn't know how to be reassuring when he doesn't know every detail of Joonghyuk's life. He's not sure how Joonghyuk can exist without parents.]
Don't feel bad, [he says this wryly,] my parents technically never existed either. At least, not in a way that mattered.
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... I can't feel bad about parents that never existed.
[ Emphasizes. ]
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He glances away at the emphasis. Joonghyuk has now put him into an asshole place of being fed a bit of information so it's a dick move not to offer a little scrap back. Tch.]
...My mom was there, and she was trying to get me to join her. Where? I don't know. Death, I guess. I'm the one who found her when she overdosed; it was just me and her because Pops died in prison. Good thing you didn't see that memory. [Because it was there. :)] She hadn't overdosed, though. The clown that beat the shit out of me faked it.
But she did die when the bomb went off.
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Which is fine. It's a tough topic to swallow. ]
You chose not to go with her, then. On that trip.
[ What is your answer, Jason? ]
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Yeah. [He's here, isn't he? He came back.] She asked me if I deserved that second chance. I didn't know how to answer her, so I didn't.
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You would be more useless to me dead.
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Saying I'm "useful" to you alive doesn't really inspire a lot of confidence in your motives, you know.
[He does not sound mad.]
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Yes, Joonghyuk is shady and he also doesn't use words well, purposely. He simmers some... ]
... Deserving or not, there's little to say when second chances are forced onto you.
[ ... ]
But we all deserve the opportunity to live and be happy.
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I can think I don't deserve to be here, but still keep going anyway. I can do both.
[You have depression! But you also are too stubborn to die. But then you have a disgusting self-sacrificial complex because you don't think being dead would be worse than other people being dead.]
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[ This is half a read, but this is also... Maybe some projection. ]
I can't allow that.
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But he will jump in the way of a bullet if the person is someone who doesn't deserve it.]
You can't tell me what to do with my life.
[He has no real fight in him. It sounds like he's saying this to see what Joonghyuk will say back.]
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